on holidays: hanging out together

christmas morning

We've just returned from almost 2 weeks with Sam's parents on Vancouver Island ... giving me some extra time with family for support and help in that first month of crucial healing after a c-section. Now we are home again, Felix is over 5 weeks old and I am back to my old picking-up-25-and-35-lb-toddler-ways. I don't think Walter could actually believe it when I picked him up a few days ago for a big squeeze and snuggle! Everyone was on their best behaviour for the flight out - I think the other passengers always cringe when a young family boards but we had lots of comments as we were getting off and our three boys were certainly well deserving of them. Felix just ate and slept and nary a peep otherwise ... phew.

Christmas didn't feel like Christmas at all for me this year, I must admit, though it certainly had nothing to do with what Sam's parents did or didn't do. My mother-in-law had it all done up all Christmas-ey as usual and we were all well spoiled and cared for ... I just still felt ... foggy. My only effort this year was getting our Christmas photo cards out in time (and believe me, that felt like a huge effort!) and wrapping the very few Christmas gifts for the boys (read: 4 items) that I brought out earlier on our summer trip. I knew I wouldn't have energy for much else and I assumed that Henry and Walter would be pretty oblivious still to the excitement and anticipation of Christmas. So I was surprised to hear Henry ask most every day if it was time to open the presents yet. So Christmas morning we could finally tell him that it was indeed Christmas and he told us right back that Santa had brought presents for him, smart boy!

So books and balls and Thomas the Tank Engine toys were the highlights of the day, with a big turkey dinner, and a small one month old stripey-suited boy on a stripey blanket. Rain and sunshine and very mild spring-like Island weather. Shortbread cookies and interrupted sleep. Watching The Help on my iPad and going up to Nanaimo by myself to watch The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Going to Starbucks a time or two. Spending too many hours on the couch feeding, feeding, feeding. Leaving Henry and Walter in the care of Sam, Nana and Grandad and wondering if I'd ever feel like their in-control, in-charge, with-it Mother again. Feeling so, so tired and muddled and emotional. And feeling excited, even then, about next Christmas when I can put my heart and soul into it and make it really special and exciting for our 4 year old, 3 year old and 1 year old boys.

But this year was pretty darn special and exciting for them as it was! Thank you Nana and Grandad!

from december 23rd

three striped-pajama boys would like to say ...

he's in the green sweater

First school Christmas concert. And our Henry-boy sang heartily through both songs and did all the actions ... though this photo may show he was behind on his timing a bit! Henry loves going to school, loves his teachers and his "so many friends", and he is always surprising us with the many songs and bits of information he's learning. And his vocabulary and sentence structure somehow exploded during the week that Felix was born and he was returned to me after all my nights in the hospital talking up a storm. Now if only Walter would say something ... anything!

My parents left on the weekend after having my Mum here for two and a half weeks and my Dad for a week. We really couldn't have done it without them and they were both just put to work the whole time, taking care of house and meals and two active boys while I was either feeling like death warmed over or upstairs feeding Felix for what felt like 18 hours a day. I realized on the day they left that I hadn't taken any photos of them, not a single photo with any of their grand-boys, and that is so incredibly unlike me!

Some of the post-surgery/newborn fog is lifting but I continue to feel overwhelmed every single day. It's a strange feeling and I almost feel rather panicky at random moments thinking ahead to even simple household tasks I need to do. I know it will only get better, day by day, and one day Felix will sleep through the night and I can actually contemplate going out in the evenings or even watching TV. The normals of my life have been so drastically rearranged. It's unnerving. I think winter is playing tricks with my sense of balance too ... the freezing temperatures (and thus our freezing 100 year old house!) and the fact that the sun doesn't come up til 8:30 am, so trying to get out of bed before that is practically painful.

Still, each day I am enjoying this new baby. I really am. I thought I would have to give myself a pep talk every now and then to remember to savor each day, as he will grow up so quickly and we won't ever have a newborn again. But I haven't needed reminders ... he makes me happy every day, at random moments. When he looks at me and I think "You are so nice to have". When he does his little twist-and-wiggle to move himself snuggly under my chin, it's remarkable when he does that every single time. I'm grateful he's a good baby so far, no drama, no issues, just predictable eating and sleeping and snuggling.

And yet, even still, I can't deny it's a little crazy having three boys 3 and under. This year is going to be something else!
Give me strength ...

celebrating felix

On Sunday night my good friend Carol hosted a perfectly me baby shower for Felix and I ... all reds and blues and greens and oranges and strung up bunting and take-home "F" cookies and lots of sweets and treats and friends. It was my first evening out in 11 days and I was exhausted already at 7pm to leave the house (usually we're heading to bed for a first little stretch shortly after that!) but it was wonderful to be loved on and surrounded by my dear friends who couldn't wait for a proper baby snuggle.

Baby boy is almost 2 weeks old now and though I am feeling remarkably well I still feel as though I'm in a fog ... completely overwhelmed and befuddled and unable to multitask as I'm used to. I'm sure it's not just the lack of sleep but also this new reality of three children .... I feel as though I'm spinning sometimes. And ironically I'm not even taking care of Henry and Walter to any measure as both my parents are here now and have taken over as entertainers and chauffeurs and cooks and cleaners and bath-givers. Real life will be a shock indeed! Still, Felix is a good baby ... no drama, just predictable and needy and so very constant. And deliciously cute ... he really is a darling. And he loves his Mumma so very much.

Felix means happy, did you know that?, and I am quite happy to have my three boys. I'm just so excited and curious to see what Felix will grow up to look like and what his little personality will be.

new favorite photos

big brothers and big excitement

Meeting their new brother or sister was a long time coming for Henry and Walter! We had prepped them frequently for the past few months but I wondered how they would react to Mummy suddenly holding a little one in her arms and explaining that her tummy was now "empty". They went over to our friends Mark and Erynn's house for a 2 night sleepover but because of the unexpected complications after the c-section it wasn't until the second afternoon that they came to meet Felix. The Baby is here, the Baby is here! ... Sam and I were so excited to see how they would react. My Mum had arrived the night before so I have the picture in my mind of Walter, then Henry, then Sam and my Mum walking around the curtain in my hospital room ... carrying a Gerber daisy each and Henry looking a little uncertainly at what I was holding in my arms. But immediately they clamoured to get up to see me and then insisted on holding the baby with barely more a glance at Mum! My two big boys (and did they ever look big!) holding their day old brother was what we had been waiting for all this time. Henry was only 12 months old when Walter was born and so this was a whole new experience having a 2 and 3 year old who were aware and excited for this new member of the family. Baby Felix gave his brothers little school buses as seeing the line of buses every day after preschool really is the highlight of their lives. After we unwrapped those, well, Walter was happier to play on the floor rather than hold his squawky brother though before that he was enthralled with planting some perfectly puckered kisses on Felix's head. One of my favorite moments.

So three boys ... I had a feeling ... and seeing them and Sam all together I really felt it was perfect.

after the big reveal, there were lots of cuddles!