mother's day this year

I was certainly spoiled this year ... spoiled with time. Just the weekend before I had been away to Calgary and Sam of course did an awesome job solo-ing it for 3 days with 3 little men. (Who of course loved having Dad all to themselves that whole time!) Then the day before Mother's Day I was told that I would be kicked out of my own house for 4 hours that afternoon and don't come home til supper. Well, you don't have to tell me that twice! Out on the town I found some cute kelly green flats at Target and some pink polish, baby gifts for the new babies in our circle and some gardening tools for the boys, who have a big area of their own to dig into all they like. Then I sat with a hot latte and a fresh cookie and read and read and r-e-a-d ... now that's my kind of gift! I came home at the stroke of five to all the surprises my four boys had been busy with. Dinner made and on the table, chocolate cake for dessert from Pure Vanilla and three crepe paper bouquets ... truly so much better than real flowers. Sam has always done such a good job at acknowledging the hard work of mothering these past 5 years but I must admit it sure is alot more fun now that the boys themselves get involved. When I came home for supper and even before saying hello Walter completely spilled the beans on the dessert ... after all of Sam's work that afternoon telling them to keep it a secret. That is so Walter!

I've been feeling the shift in this parenting journey lately, as Felix is now a year and a half old and thus we are leaving babyhood behind forever. And it feels really, really good. Having babies back to back and then once Walter was 2 and independent starting all over again ... oh yes, I know how done and done I am with the baby stage. Not to say I still don't have a little cry when I see their little faces in photos from not too long ago. But to start all over again ... to get to know that baby's quirks and schedule, the feeding issues, the sleep issues, then the next feeding issues ... it exhausts and overwhelms me and frankly makes me a little sick just imagining it. And yet Sam and I have been talking lately how real it is that Felix is our last baby and how sad and hard it is to accept that. Our last one to be the wee cuddly size he is now. And still, having a baby or a toddler constantly for the past 5 years has made me feel that is all there is and so it's incredibly exciting for me to realize we're finally moving on.

This fall Henry will be in Kindergarten and Walter in Preschool (by himself, which will be a shocker for him!) and Felix will be sleeping less and walking everywhere, which will mean lots of fun for us. I used to complain to my friends that I just wanted to get out of the dependant stage and they would tell me that it is certainly easier in many ways but much harder in others. Harder and exhausting in different ways. I get that now. I love Henry being able to get the jugs out of the fridge, brush his teeth, put on his shoes and play outside alone for a few hours. But in his growing up I realize how overwhelmed I am in all I should and want to teach him. Sharing and kindness, mean kids, Who is God?, bike safety, stranger danger, personal privacy ... it goes on and on. Now I am looking ahead instead of starting over again and yes, it's a whole new hardness. But so, so fun too, don't get me wrong. Walter at three and a half is the funniest and cutest he's ever been ... how can I bottle that up?

I'm not sure why but for some reason every time I've gone out with the boys in the past 2 weeks I've been getting alot of comments from strangers. Mostly really nice comments at how impressed they are in these well behaved boys as I'm grocery shopping alone with them. And how funny ... as suddenly in the produce section Walter screeches "Mum ... look ... BLUEBERRIES!" as if it's the most exciting thing he's seen all day. But alot of "Oh, you have three boys ...?" with a sympathetic look. I hate that, how little boys always get such a bad rap and how you as their Mother must be tortured and going crazy all day long. Yesterday I took everyone to our local Kindergym in the morning to play (and how much better now that Felix is walking, yay!) and as I sat on the side with my coffee watching all three I thought "I really, really love having boys. Having 3 boys." So sympathetic looks be damned ... won't everyone be clucking away in their seats at future Morgan weddings saying how nice it is that those three boys are such good friends and my, don't they look handsome together? Ha! I'm pretty sure I have a whole string of fantastic Mother's Days to look forward to, yes sirree.

baby no more

three days away

The best part of it was ... it didn't feel like 14 months apart at all.

Finally ... after lots of planning and waiting far too long ... the first week of May had finally arrived. A long weekend in Calgary to meet some of my besties from back in Swift Current. We hadn't seen each other since March of last year and more often than not we simply got by with lots of FB chats and comments, a few texts and even fewer phone calls. Getting a group of people, a group of women, together is always challenging and Carol and I talked often of keeping our expectations low for the weekend. My 3:20 am wake up ... 7:00 am flight ... and 9:30 am arrival was an early morning that I purposely picked and I was prepared to hunker down at the Calgary airport for a few hours with my iPad waiting for the first group to get through their own 5 hour drive there. My early texts to Carol told me they were behind schedule in getting out of Swift and so I shouldn't expect them til after lunch at least. And truthfully I felt frustrated but knew as well how it was in trying to get various friends organized together. Still ... sigh ... I felt hurt, obviously not a priority to them at all. I was prepared to have this reunion be a good way to let them go, so to speak, to stop idealizing our amazing friendships and come to terms with the fact that it would realistically be catching up online now and then and yearly Christmas cards and family photos. 9:30 am in Calgary ... I arrived and made my way downstairs to get my bag. Down the escalator, the Arrivals door opens and there they were. Carol, Erynn, Amy and Ruth had arrived the night before and got themselves out of bed and out the door early so they could be there to surprise me! It was perfect and it was funny and it was surreal and it meant so much to me. And just like that, hugs and laughs and everyone talking and more hugs ... it didn't feel like 14 months apart at all.

10 minutes later we were in the car, heading up to a new mega-mall and what ended up being a full day of power shopping. Which is actually totally exhausting, ha! (Ok, the 3:20 am internal clock wake up that day didn't help either!) We'd follow each other, then split up, then text around to find each other again ... it was wonderful and relaxing and normal. No schedule, no children, no responsibilities ... it.was.amazing. An absolutely delicious dinner that night at The Keg along with Erynn's Mom and Amy's sister and then back to the hotel to wait for the stragglers. Melissa, Autumn and Tanya arrived about 9:00 pm and then we had a whole new round of talking til well past midnight! Tricia, Tanis, Colleen and Jenelle weren't able to get away for the weekend and we definitely missed having them there. Saturday was ... you may have guessed ... lots more eating, shopping and talking! We were easy to please and happy as can be. Dinner at Moxie's that night was memorable and hysterical and the most fun I've had in a long time. Good grief, we were definitely the loud table in the restaurant that everyone was looking or glaring at! We carried the fun into later that night at our hotel's comedy club where we had tickets to comedian Paul Reiser, from TV's Mad About You. Compared to his opening act it was a slow build up but man, what a brilliant finale in the end. It felt so good to just laugh in a big way and I'm so glad we decided to do that. Sunday was saying goodbye to Ruth, Autumn and Tanya after breakfast and then the rest of us carrying on to IKEA ... and more shopping, eating, shopping, talking ... before getting back to the airport at 4:00 pm.

I was prepared to have this weekend be a healthy way to really say goodbye and to move on. But after a few emotional, honest conversations this weekend proved to me the opposite. It solidified our relationships so that I knew we would continue to be real friends, despite the distance. I know there will possibly be lots of FB chats and comments, a few texts and even fewer phone calls but when we see each other again we'll just pick up where we left off. I know it will never be same and never be what it could be if I were still living in Swift but I do know how incredibly comfortable and familiar and safe and real I feel with them. And I know how rare that is too. Having these women in my life during our five years in Swift was such a gift and it was the hardest decision for me to leave. But now I know ... I'll see them again. I'm not sure how often but I'll see them again. It isn't over. I'm thankful that this reunion has helped me heal, to relieve the anger and the regret I've felt in our leaving. And in that way, it seems, I've have been able to let them go.

Girls, that was so much fun.