10 more days.
I counted this morning, at 6am while I was feeding Felix. We have 10 whole more days here and I still can't believe it. Mothers are sentimental you know, as I looked around the tiny room that has hardly changed since Boy #1 was brought home from the hospital almost three and a half years ago. The rocking chair has faced the window so I can watch the trees, so many times with the sight of swaying branches as it's more often windy here than not. (We will not miss the wind!) Mothers are sentimental, yes, and so I can't help but cry as I think of leaving this house that I both love and hate. (Love: all the windows and light and brightness upstairs - thanks to our renovations. Hate: the lack of insulation on the main floor of this 102 year old house so that you grow icicles on your nose while watching TV at night. I'm not kidding.) I will miss our church, friends who take your kids for the morning just because, coffee nights with the girls, the bay windows in our room so you can take the best natural light photos, our slightly weird, blue, climb-up-two-stairs, huge custom made corner shower, the hardwood floors downstairs so that the boys can have speeding circle races with their "wiggle cars" aka Plasma Cars, the fact that Sam can walk to and from work and comes home every day for lunch, our awesome MOPS group twice a month (and goodness, I will qualify as a Mother of Preschoolers for a long time yet!), and most of all I will miss the group of women friends I have made here. Friends who have helped me and known me in these hard, overwhelming, first years of motherhood. I won't miss the wind, the cold, the non-existent spring, the missing Starbucks, the lack of shopping and the pitiful list of restaurant options, the airport 2 hours away, and the 20 hours drive it takes to visit family.
And so 10 days out the stacks of neatly labeled boxes are growing in various corners of the house. The pantry is emptying out quickly and so meals are getting more and more creative. I keep remembering just one more thing to add to my long to-do list. I feel a little pre-crazy knowing how overwhelming next week will be and I also feel in denial as to what this all means. Emptying out the house, leaving our first home, and starting that long drive out west ... but this time we are not coming back. Part of me is grieving, part of me is angry, part of me is excited for a change, and part of me just wants to cut all ties now and get out without the fuss. And like all that waiting for the baby to arrive ... suddenly next week will be here and it will be over. And we won't have to wait anymore - we just deal with the changes that are now irreversible.
It's hard stuff making these decisions and then being responsible. Sometimes I really hate being an adult, you know?
Nantucket {April 2026}
3 hours ago
5 comments:
Awwww Cass, your post made me cry and I've never had to make such a big move before. But it made me think about how I would deal with it if we ever did. I know I'd be just as emotional as you. So hard to leave the PEOPLE ... and the memories. Homes are great, give or take their good and bad features, but it's those friendships that we will miss the most. :( I hope and pray that things will go well and adjusting will happen quickly. I know you will make wonderful new friends when you get settled. Hang in there sweetie!
I wonder how your parents moved so often? My heart sympathizes with your struggles. It's difficult to anticipate the future when the present is so overwhelming.
Oh Cass, I know exactly how you are feeling. I felt all those things (and more) when we had to leave Pullman, a little over two years ago. Our 4.5 years in Pullman were some of the best of my life. Mark received his degree, I scrapbooked, gave birth to two beautiful boys, looked forward to games at the University, and made so many wonderful friends. Then it was over. Mark got a job, we had to pack up our house and my 7 month old and 3 year old, and we were gone... and over 2,000 miles away from all our friends and family. It was so, so sad. But we did it. We survived. We made it to Ohio in one piece (mostly), moved into our new house, and we did the our best to stay in touch with the ones who matter most.
I'll be thinking about you this week (and next) as you prepare to make a *big move* just like we did. Although you do have one more kid-o to worry about!
You'll make it through. I promise.
Take care,
Erin.
Thanks for sharing your journey with us. We're with you as much as we can be. Blessings on you all as you go through the last ten days there and then the many first days here!
Dear Cass and Sam,
Our prayers and hearts are with you most especially at this time. We know how it feels. We think of you guys often and even if I have never met you Cass, you are a kindred spirit.
Love and prayers,
Jeff and Karen Mathew
(now in Dubai-we moved in January)
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